The moment a cigarette craving creeps in, a chorus of voices can start debating inside your head:

• “Just one won’t hurt.”
• “I don’t really care anymore.”
• “This is too hard.”
• “I deserve this.”
• “I just want to feel normal again.”
• “What’s the point of quitting, anyway?”

If you’ve ever tried to quit smoking, you’ve likely heard these whispers (or loud demands) from the part of you that still wants to smoke. And if you’re like most people, you’ve probably fought back, shaming that part:

• “Ugh, I hate that I still want this.”
• “Why am I so weak?”
• “I should be stronger than this.”

But what if, instead of fighting it, you listened to it?

Not to give in, but to understand.

Befriending the Part That Wants to Smoke

That voice isn’t your enemy—it’s a part of you that’s trying to meet a need. Maybe it’s trying to soothe stress, give you a break from work, help you feel like “yourself” again, numb something you don’t want to feel, fill up space when you’re bored, keep you connected to an identity, a routine, or a social group.

If you ignore or attack that part, it just fights back harder. But if you listen with curiosity—without shame—you can start to meet its needs in new ways.

Ask yourself

• What is this craving really about?
• What does this part of me need right now?
• How can I give myself that—without smoking?

Sometimes, just acknowledging the craving with kindness takes away its power. It feels heard and validated. Sometimes that all it needs.

Try this next time a craving hits: Instead of saying, “Shut up, I don’t want to smoke!,” let’s try something different.

Next time a craving hits, try this:

Take a deep breath. Instead of pushing the craving away, turn toward it with curiosity and have a conversation with your other part. Here’s what it might look like.

You (Self): I notice a craving right now.

Smoking Part: You should have a cigarette. Just one. It’ll make everything feel better.

Self: Oh, hi there. I see you. You’re really strong right now. Can I ask you something?

Smoking Part: What’s to ask? You know smoking helps. You’ve done this before.

Self: I get that. You really believe this is what I need. What are you trying to do for me?

Smoking Part: I’m trying to calm you down. You’re stressed. I don’t want you to feel like this.

Self: That makes sense. You’re looking out for me. Thank you. Thank you for caring about me. I hear you saying you want me to feel at peace. To feel calm.

Smoking Part: Yeah! You always feel better after smoking. Why are you trying to ignore me?

Self: I’m not ignoring you. I actually want to understand you better. When did you first start helping me this way?

Smoking Part: Hmm… I guess back when you were younger. Maybe when you needed a break. Or when things felt overwhelming, and smoking gave you space to breathe.

Self: That’s a long time. You’ve been here for me for so many years.

Smoking Part: Yeah… I have.

Self: I really appreciate that. You’ve been helping me the only way you know how. I wonder, is there anything else you’d like me to know?

Smoking Part: I just don’t want you to suffer. I don’t like when you feel stressed and lost.

Self: I get that. I hear you. It doesn’t feel good when you see me like that. What if we sit with this feeling together, just for a moment? You don’t have to go away. I just want to see if there’s another way to take care of this feeling.

Smoking Part: …Okay. We can try.

Instead of overpowering or dismissing and/or shaming and blaming the craving, befriend it. Notice how you feel towards that part. Be curious. Hear what it has to tell you. Listen. Listening doesn’t mean you need to do what it’s asking. Listen so that part doesn’t need to nag. To shout. Over time, this part will trust that you can handle stress in new ways, and it won’t push as hard.

You don’t have to fight your parts to become a nonsmoker.

The more you listen to all your parts, the more they’ll trust you to lead the way.