Many clients come to us wondering what’s wrong with them. “I want to quit so much! I don’t even like it any more, and yet I keep smoking. What’s wrong with me?” Nothing is wrong with you. This is normal. We’re much more wired for short term pleasure than long term goals. We’re wired to move towards pleasure and away from pain. There’s conflict when what brings us short term pleasure is in conflict with what brings us long term pleasure, which can often look like pain in the short-term. If our brain and emotions were all working toward the same long terms goals, we’d all be more content and productive — we’d have no addictions and we certainly wouldn’t scroll for hours online. We’re not wired that way though, so what’s a human to do?

Here’s a fictional short story of what Emma’s internal journey looked like as she spoke with her “polarized parts” on her external journey to becoming a nonsmoker. When we work with you during our coaching sessions, we talk with your internalized and polarized parts so that you can see what’s going on and see that there’s not really conflict at. What’s been going on is that your parts have been working, albeit perhaps unintentionally, against each other rather than as a team.

And so the story begins…

Once upon a time, there was a woman named Emma who had been a smoker for well over two decades. However, Emma had recently made the decision to quit smoking and embarked on her quit smoking journey.

As Emma began her quitting process, she noticed that she had conflicting thoughts and feelings about quitting smoking. On one hand, there was a part of her that was determined to quit. Let’s call her Determined Emma. Determined Emma understood the health risks associated with smoking and wanted to take care of herself. She set strict rules, created a plan, and held herself accountable to quit smoking.

On the other hand, there was a part of her that enjoyed smoking and resisted the idea of quitting. Let’s call her Tempting Max. Tempting Max loved the feeling of freedom and relaxation that smoking provided. He didn’t want to give up that sense of pleasure and didn’t like the idea of being constrained by rules or expectations.

Emma realized that the conflict between Determined Emma and Tempting Max was making it difficult for her to quit smoking. So, she decided to have a conversation with herself, exploring her motivations and finding a way to resolve the inner conflict.

Emma began by acknowledging the concerns of Determined Emma. She recognized that Determined Emma had valid reasons for wanting to quit, such as improving her health and well-being. Emma thanked Determined Emma for her commitment and assured her that she would take the necessary steps to quit smoking.

Next, Emma turned her attention to Tempting Max. She wanted to understand his perspective and the reasons why he enjoyed smoking. Emma realized that Tempting Max sought pleasure and relaxation, and she wanted to find healthier ways to fulfill those needs. She made a promise to Tempting Max that she would explore other activities and hobbies that could provide similar enjoyment and relaxation.

As Emma continued her inner dialogue, she addressed her critical thoughts and self-doubt. She reminded herself to be kind and compassionate throughout the quitting process. Instead of berating herself for any slip-ups, she promised to see them as learning opportunities and a chance to grow stronger in her commitment.

With each passing day, Emma found herself making progress in her journey to quit smoking. Determined Emma’s determination and discipline helped her resist cravings and stay on track. Tempting Max learned to find pleasure and relaxation in healthier activities, such as exercising, practicing mindfulness, or spending time with loved ones. Emma’s self-compassion allowed her to be patient with herself and celebrate every step forward.

Over time, Emma successfully broke free from the grip of smoking. She faced challenges along the way but remained committed to her goal. Emma’s story became a testament to the power of self-awareness, determination, and self-compassion in achieving lasting change.

And so, Emma lived happily ever after, free from the burden of smoking, and embracing a healthier and smoke-free life.